Reflection of Day Three

(No Images for Day Three. I was not a 'happy camper' that day.)

I wrote this reflection in the middle of the night between day three and four;

`` I`ve really had enough. during the day is fine but at night, as soon as it hits 9:30pm, I can not take the caring for Giovanni anymore. No baby I`ve ever heard of needs an hour and a half long feeding. Being this young, I need my own sleep. Hours of it. Waking up to care for Giovanni constantly is my. waking. nightmare.
Being seperate from James still puts heavy stress on me though, of course, because we`re both so very close to each other. Not being able to lean on him for support is murder to me, especially right now, so late at night, and I can not even message him on my phone!``

I`m ready and willing to say that I`m not ready for a child. Even my desire for sexual intimacy has dwindled heavily. I do not want a child. Not yet, at least.
After handing baby Giovanni back to my teacher after my alloted baby time was over, I crawled all the way back home and feel sleep trying to claim me.

What happened on day three of having baby, was I was supposed to go to a party with my friends. Really just a small get together with people I have not seen in years, but the friend who organized this told me a few horus before it began ``nobody is going to show up, so we`ll just hang out next weekend, kay?`` I replied that it was okay, and I would see her next weekend. But an horu after the party started, another friend asked me `why are you not here yet? not coming to chill?`` My friend had uninvited my boyfriend and I because of baby Giovanni!! I was shocked, but can understand now how a child does affect your life in such ways.

I am ever-grateful for this experience: this chance to test myself for a real child. And while mentally I am totally unprepared, my final mark was only one neck mishandling, everything else was perfectly done! The misshandleing was at James` house on day one, around 9:30, but Im not complaining.

I do feel guilty for skipping a day of school, but having barely eaten or slept all weekend the day will be well-used. First I will nurse myself back to full health, then I will finish up some school work!